Bar and Bat Mitzvah

One of the better-known Jewish life cycle events, a Bar Mitzvah (for boys) or a Bat Mitzvah (for girls) is our coming-of-age event.  While it’s become known for extravagant parties, the event itself actually doesn’t matter.  You become “bar” or “bat mitzvah” when you turn 13 for boys or 12 for girls.  It’s the age at which you start being obligated to fulfill the commandments (“mitzvot”, hence bar mitzvah- It just means son or daughter of commandments).

A bar mitzvah (when a boy turns 13) is marked by the first time he is called up for a blessing at the Torah, something he can only do if he’s Bar Mitzvah age or older.  Because it’s now incumbent upon him to keep the commandments, like praying 3 times a day for example, he can now lead everyone in those prayers as a full member of the community (rather than being considered a minor from a religious perspective).

A bat mitzvah (when a girl turns 12- the Rabbis thought girls were more mature, so it happened earlier than with boys) also marks when a girl has to keep the commandments.  Because Orthodox Judaism holds that men and women have slightly different commandments expected of them (I mentioned that boys have to pray three times a day at certain times, but with girls, it’s more flexible), a bat mitzvah reflects this difference.  With girls, it’s often just a party in which a girl will publicly share a sermon that she wrote about the weekly Torah portion.  That said, it varies by community.

For both boys and girls, it’s customary to have a party to celebrate this major life cycle event.  Whether the party is a nice lunch or a very fancy evening at a hotel really depends on the community you come from.  Regardless, it’s pretty common for all of your family to come in town and celebrate with you.  It’s also customary to give gifts to the young man/woman.